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Feb. 17th, 2013

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I still have a LJ?

Good god . . . it's been over a year since I last wrote here; I've even forgotten I've had this (sprays out cobwebs, dust, mold, etc).

Anyhow, some important realizations I've had about my life direction. I honestly don't see myself ever getting married or having children. I've had those feelings for years going back to my youth, but never really admitted the full truth to myself until recently. My parents were slightly disappointed, but just want me to be happy/content with myself.

My sexuality . . . well I'm straight, yet I've never really had much desire for sex. I have no shame in admitting that at almost 32 I'm still a virgin. Not to say I won't do it or get romantically involved with someone . . but that'll happen if/when I feel like it.

Job front . . . did a 6 month PC deployment project in '11 . . . finally found a job doing inventory auditing for RGIS. Hours vary week to week . . . early mornings/late nights . . . but I manage.

I know I have a purpose in life . . .

Dec. 30th, 2011

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I'm still not dead dammit!


A year and a day since I last posted here.

2011 was a good year. Saw a couple of good shows, saw a baseball game with my Dad, saw a hockey game on my own. Had a good contract position that lasted 6.5 months, still working out . . .

Now that I'm 30, time for me to really think about serious life issues. At this point, I'm not really interested in marriage or children and may never be. I don't want the responsibility (yet) and I'm not really sure about bonding with a child. But time will tell.

Another reason I'm not sure about ever having kids is because it's a mad world and it's not the kind of world I'd want to bring up children in, and also the world is overpopulated, too much land and resources being used . . .

Dec. 29th, 2010

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Back from the dead . . . again

Wow, I've realized this will be only the 7th LJ entry I've made this entire year!

At any rate, I just wanted to post because the year is nearly done and I just want to talk a little bit about what I've done this year.

The good . . . I'm very glad I decided to go to my high school reunion last month. By my own admission, I was not one of the "cool kids", but going anyway was fun. Of course several people were drinking shots in unison, but that's not me. Did talk with some people.

Of course, I also liked going down to South Carolina for my cousin's wedding. Nice spending a few days there at the beach, seeing family I rarely ever see. The ceremony and reception were both great; though there was no garter/bouquet toss.

Saw some good shows this year (Ozzy Osbourne, Bob Saget, M3 Rock Festival, DC 101 Chili Cook-off), enjoyed talking with my online friends, etc. Also finally got serious about working out (though I had been working out the last couple of years, I needed a fresh tune-up).

Bad news . . . tried with much effort, but no luck on the job front. 2011 will be better in that regard.

Also . . continuing to move forward down the road of life/discovering more about myself (which I can't reveal here).

And I've also gotten to like this song by Katy Perry . . . Firework.

I like how the lyrics are inspirational, telling you to just be yourself. And the last few years, I've come to realize: so I'm not what people would consider a stud/hunk/prized catch, I may not be athletic/artistic/charming, I'm shy (but getting better) . . HOWEVER . . I am unique in this world, I am the pride of my parents Richard & Renee Maier, I take pride in knowing that people view me as a kind-hearted/generous/nice guy. I try to be funny and witty, even though at times my humor may not make sense. Even if it takes me a lifetime of looking . . I will find what I want.


Oct. 21st, 2010

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Back from the dead . . . sort of

Well . . . I finally heard a couple of weeks ago that my high school graduating class (Howard High School in Ellicott City, MD) will be having a 10 year reunion.

I will openly admit that my high school experience was a mixed bag. On one hand, I got along well with a lot of people, enjoyed my classes etc; yet I did not fit in with any group. I wasn't athletic/artistic/really smart, I never went to parties, never really hung out with people outside of school, didn't go to dances or prom, was really quiet. I also was going through a time where I was really sensitive to what other people thought of me (how I acted/dressed, etc). If I could go back in time and change my high school experience, would I? I'd say not really, for better or worse, the decisions I've made in my past (good/bad) have made me what I am.

But as I've gotten older, I've learned to not give a shit what other people think (the only exception to this rule is my parents). As long as I don't harm anyone, I'll always walk down my own path in life. I do know that a few people in my graduating class are married and/or have kids now. Would that be something for me? That I do not know . . I know I'd be a good dad/husband, and yet I cannot decide if it is right for me. But I'm going into this reunion open minded and hoping for the best and see how people have (or have not) changed in 10 years.


Jul. 16th, 2010

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Got the invite . . . etc

So I finally got the invitation to my cousin's wedding (and special party the night before) in September. Should be a good time, I'm hoping to catch the garter . . . again. This cousin is my favorite because she understands me (she's only 4 months older than me).

And [b]maybe[/b] I'll do something no one would ever expect from me . . . actually ask someone to dance.

As for me . . . well, I'll only get married if/when I feel it's right for me (and if it turns out I remain a bachelor for life, I will accept that).

Jun. 7th, 2010

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I'm older . . . etc

So I began chapter 29 of my life last week.

I've had some realizations that I've come to over the last several years:

I'm not embarrassed to be a virgin, I'll do it IF and when I feel like; and only with the right person (i.e. not a whore or a one night stand). It's not a big deal to me now. And I really don't care about people talking about their sexual exploits, it's no one's damn concern how many partners you've had or how many times you've done it. To me, sex is very private.

Though several people I know are married or getting married, I really don't know if it's right for me. I mean yeah, I feel obligated to to a certain extent in order to keep my family lineage going . . . but I will have to find out that answer for myself. And yeah, I got another wedding to go to in September (another cousin of mine is getting married), so it's another chance for me to catch the garter (which I did at the last wedding I went to, which incidentally was another cousin's wedding, the sister of said bride this time). Ehh, maybe I'll actually dance for one the few times in my life.

And also . . . I'm completely out of touch with music. I don't see how you can tell all of the American Idol people apart. I guess I prefer the artistic brilliance of "Dark Side of The Moon" and "The Wall" by Pink Floyd to overproduced AI stuff. Same thing with TV, I honestly can't tell any reality shows apart; same skanks and jocks, different shows IMO.

Well I feel better now that I've written this down. Though it may sound like I'm old/bitter, I'm 100% honest with how I feel here.

Apr. 12th, 2010

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Celibacy etc . . .

So I read an article where Lady Gaga says she's celibate.

I applaud her for being honest . . and honestly, I am choosing to remain celibate as well.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not weird or anything, I've just been doing a lot of internal thinking and have come to the conclusion that sex is not for me yet. I will only do it IF and when it's right for me. I have no shame in being a virgin at almost 29; even if I had done some things in my life differently, I'd still have the same attitude.

Yeah I know I'm a guy and going against the grain as far as sex is concerned, but I really don't care. If I can't be honest with myself on certain issues, how can I live with myself?

Mar. 8th, 2010

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Been a while . . . .

Wow, nearly 2 months since I wrote something . . . Anyhow, here I go:

The fact that several people I went to high school with are either married, getting married or have kids does make me feel old. However, that is how they have taken their path in life where I have done differently (and yes I'll admit I've made mistakes I wish I could erase).

That being said, I am not so sure if marriage/parenthood is right for me. I have mixed emotions on it . . on one hand, it would be nice to have a family and keep my family name going (I have no siblings, neither does my father); on the other hand, if my heart is not 100% in it, I won't even bother. And there's nothing wrong with being an LLB (life long bachelor), I only have to find out what is right for ME . . .

Jan. 10th, 2010

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Wow . . . another entry

Titled only because I've made 2 entries in a couple of weeks after leaving this in the dust for 7.5 months.

But to the point, should be a good year. My birthday (May 31) happens to fall on Memorial Day this year . . .

More importantly I have a wedding to go to. Another one of my cousins (in fact, the sister of my cousin who got married in October '08) is getting married in South Carolina. Should be a fun weekend . . . gives me a reason/excuse to wear my suit. Also I'll have a chance to catch the garter again (I caught it at my other cousins wedding).

Dec. 30th, 2009

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Year end shtick . . .

Wow, finally decided to post here after 7.5 months.

At any rate, year is almost done. SMDH at how many famous people died, still trying to find out the right path for my life.

Grateful for family and friends

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